THE BEST EXCUSE EVER

George Washington said, “‘It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.”  So my aim in a very short period of time is to offer you the BEST excuse ever. 

What do I need an excuse for?

1. I didn’t post yesterday. Also. It was “No Complain Monday” and I complained. A lot.

2. I didn’t post in Sprocket Ink  yesterday. Imma get fired if I don’t post Thursday. No one said that. They are way too nice. But I may fire myself. I can do that if I suck. (Don’t use that word. “Suck” sounds bad and is inappropriate. You are smart. Think of a different word to use.) (Sorry-that was for if any of my kids are reading today.) 

3. I am late posting today’s song list. It’s the last day of the aughts. You should come back and check it out because it’s going to beAWESOME.

4. I completely neglected both Twitter and Facebook, alienating thousands – okay – hundreds – fine. Dozens. What? You’re right. Honesty is the best policy. I don’t think I alienated anyone. Prolly no one even noticed.

5. I haven’t finished my story for the book I’m going to be in.(Word. You read that right. Yo. Unless they fire me too.) 

So I know you’re wondering – what is it? What is this best excuse ever?

I SPENT 48 HOURS TOSSING MY COOKIES. Making an offering to the porcelain god. Jettisoning the stomach cargo. Granting all my meals round-trip tickets. Creating technicolor yawns. Ralphing. Shouting groceries. Performing peristaltic pyrotechnics.

See. Told you it would be the best excuse ever. 

Oh. Also. I got better.